Meet Elaine Carter Cray, founder of the Special Friends Network - a group with a goal to have a more inclusive, accessible society - persistent in its passion to educate and encourage communities to achieve this common purpose.
Everyone Needs a Friend
The organization’s genesis came about when Elaine’s middle daughter, Madison, was born with a rare genetic condition called Cornelia De Lange Syndrome. Despite dealing with a condition which was uncommon with others in her school’s ecosystem, Madison benefitted from great teachers and fantastic friends. It was when grade 5 rolled around - Madison’s social life began to change. There was an increasing void in her social life that became more visible to Elaine.
“Madison spent the majority of Elementary School in main stream classes where she had wonderful teachers and fantastic friends,” said Elaine.
According to MedlinePlus - Medical Information provider, Cornelia De Lange Syndrome affects 1 in 10,000 to 30,000 newborns.
“In about Grade 5, we found the gap, socially was widening and it was becoming more difficult to maintain friendships.”
2 Observations that Elaine made were:
While Madison was involved in extracurriculars such as the Special Olympics, her social interactions ended once practice was over (until next week anyway)
Elaine’s other two daughters led very active social lives - frequenting parties, visiting movie cinemas and more. This inspired Elaine to consider what she could do for her own daughter’s social life.
This was when Elaine made the effort to create an ecosystem where Madison, and many others just like her could find camaraderie and bonds in a group, uplifting their platform for social interactions. Beginning with a simple gathering for friends from school and Madison’s Special Olympics team, Elaine sprung together a hugely successful event. Everyone who attended took a liking to the atmosphere provided, that they kept asking when the next event would be. This would begin Elaine’s foray into the Special Friend’s Network.
Uplifting Voices, Social Milestones
“At first, I organized a little cooking party at our local grocery store’s cooking school,” said Elaine as she recounted the early days of the Special Friends Network.”I invited a couple of friends from school and Madison’s Special Olympics team. It was a huge success and everyone had a marvellous time. This was the beginning of what is now the Special Friends Network.”
Each time Elaine arranged something, the word spread, and more friends would show up. Soon, a whole database of parents that wanted their children to participate was now at Elaine’s fingertips. Touching upon the popularity of this with families - Elaine made it a point to mention that she wanted the group of friends that attended their events to feel like they were having fun, which didn’t require their parents there to hang out and cramp their style. This inspired Elaine to reach out to siblings, friends, and best buddies at school to be volunteers and help run the different events.
Through the many moving pieces of the Special Friends Network, they are active even during the pandemic. Each new participant from parent, school, organization, and even volunteers make the community a more inclusive and wholesome one.
Elaine also encouraged them to act as peer mentors and help initiate some of the socialization. As the numbers of involved parties increased, the organization has grown exponentially in the past 7 years canvassing embers from all over the Halton Region, Peel, Toronto and even Niagara.
Some activities that the Special Friends Network organize include:
Bowling
Dance
Book Club
Cooking Club (Their most popular event)
“I saw a need, not only for the social aspect but a need to get involved in the community more. To find more opportunities to connect with other groups and to build skills and find new interests. I started looking for ways to volunteer in the community. We started volunteering regularly at The Happily Ever Eshter Farm Sanctuary and then a community dinner where we helped set up and prepare a meal,”
We have also volunteered at the Food bank and community clean up and taken part in fundraisers for the United Way and Camp Zajac among other projects.
Finally, Elaine transitioned into something more multidimensional. A few years ago she heard about her daughter's schools involvement with the WE school initiatives and asked around only to find out that most Special Friends Network members were never invited to be involved at their schools. Elaine reached out to ask if the Special Friends Network could be involved in an out of school program. Elaine wanted to show the community that the group had as much to gain from these initiatives as mainstream kids, and just as much to offer.
Their involvement was a great success and members showed much enthusiasm. “We took on the causes that were important to us and learned more about what we can do to initiate change,” said Elaine.
2020 for the Special Friends Network
As the ramifications of the pandemic have radically changed the platform and opportunities for social engagement, the Special Friends Network has not given up hope. Seamlessly transitioning to online platforms such as Zoom, Elaine and the gang have found a way to make it all work.
However, just like the rest of us - the Special Friends Network has also faced struggles.
“Public health actions, such as social distancing, can make people feel isolated and lonely and can increase stress and anxiety. However, these actions are necessary to reduce the spread of COVID-19. Coping with stress in a healthy way will make you, the people you care about, and your community stronger.” - Excerpt from Centers for Disease Control and Prevention
“Sadly when Covid hit, like the rest of the world. We were shut down. The day before the lockdown, we were supposed to have our 6 year anniversary party, with more than 40 guests and a great amount of time, effort, and money put into it, we had to cancel.”
Within days, Elaine began to hear about how regular participants were scared, lonely, and anxious. They really needed their friends now, more than ever. The Special Friends had grown from a small gathering of friends, to the deepened bond that sustained depthful relationships amongst many, who could not replicate such friendships easily elsewhere.
This prompted Elaine to set up on Zoom and organize virtual meetings, eventually converting into daily meetings with dedicated programs, and ultimately a summer camp. Everything from themes, art, cooking, games, and spending time together (2 hours per day every weekday) ultimately served the purpose of providing a special place where folks from all walks of life can join. A place where they’re not only invited, but asked to dance.
Online and well! The Special Friends Network has championed the digital space and connect with each other to stay in touch, liven their moods, and keep connected amidst the pandemic. Joining the wonderful group is Kayla Alexander - WNBA All Star and Author!
As September came around, Elaine needed to take a step back to get back to more duties with her job, and other commitments that school brought around. Nevertheless, occasional virtual events still occur and it keeps everyone connected.
“We will continue with virtual events until we are able to meet in person again. However, I have found that there may still be a place or a need for online meet ups. For those that have social anxiety or do not have the resources to get to in person events. I never want anyone to be left out and think it is important to offer a variety of ways to meet new friends and stay connected. So, we will also continue occasional Zoom meet ups."
“A sense of belonging is a high priority need among humans as a species. But those with special Ed needs sadly sometimes never feel it in their own family and community,” says Shammi Kapoor - CEO of Brain Abilitiez, a provider of cognitive training catering to a variety of special educational (and other) cognitive needs. “Even if there is plenty of love and care around those with alternative needs, there is still almost always a lack of understanding. That is why communities such as the Special Friends Network will contribute massively to these individual's lives.”
Shammi Kapoor is the CEO of Brain Abilitiez (the A to Z of abilities). Diagnosed with Autism Spectrum Disorder, ADHD, Depression, and unable to read properly 8 years ago, Shammi now champions the same neuro-development concept that helped him overcome his impairments and become Dubai and UAE’s Student Entrepreneur Champion at the Global Student Entrepreneur Awards in 2018.
For anyone that would like to get involved, and find out more from the Special Friends Network, contact Elaine at specialfriendsnetwork@hotmail.com and keep up to date with their projects via Facebook and Instagram.
Elaine and Madison with family. From left to right: Nicole, Elaine, Sydney, Ian, and Madison.